Ol' Elibe Retirement Home
by Link015
Summary: In the old days, there existed a home for old folks. In the old days, Hector and Eliwood were just children. In the old days, they played horrible tricks. In the old days...Well, in the old days they got in lots of trouble.


Chris: Well, here's the spin-off! If you're wondering about how these two fics are connected…Remember that little part where Eleanora said she'd ground Eliwood till he was old enough to be in a retirement home? Yeah? Well, this is the story of that retirement home.

Disclaimer: The Ol' Elibe Retirement Home and Elibe-Mart are the property of me and my friend. Fire Emblem, however, is not. And ha! Told you I could post it on Halloween, although I procrastinated!

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**Chapter 1: Evil, Evil Pranks**

It was a bright, sunny day in the land of Elibe. Nergal was dead, the birds were chirping, and two rowdy kids were currently dashing through the wide halls of Castle Pherae, contributing much to the annoyance factor currently resonating throughout the castle. One of these kids was the son of Eliwood, the current Marquess of Pherae. The other child was the daughter of Hector, current Marquess of Ostia. It was quite a good thing that these were the children, and not the adults, for people would think Ostia and Pherae were crazy to have two Marquesses who ran around screaming at the top of his lungs every day.

Granted, Hector did that sometimes when his wife, Farina, came up with another large bill for items that she had purchased, but she was his wife, so it was understandable that he would have to work off his stress by screaming.

But back to these two kids, who were playing hide and seek in the middle of the castle and driving everyone crazy. However, nobody would yell at them because they were royal children and…They were just soooo cute! Especially Lilina, Hector's daughter. Didn't look like her father at all, which should be considered a compliment of the highest degree.

The reason they were so hyper this particular day is because April Fools Day was upon them and they had no idea what kind of trick they would play on Lord Eliwood. It was driving them crazy, and consequently, they decided to drive everyone else crazy as well. But finally, their energy wore off and they sat in one of the gardens, panting.

"Roy…" Lilina whispered, her pretty face turned into a pout. "We still haven't thought of anything for your father."

"I...know…" Roy huffed, his hands on his knees. "We'll think of something soon." He flashed a smile at his friend. "We're the two smartest children in Lycia, remember?"

"I know…" Lilina smiled back, her eyes shining. "Do you have an idea?"

"I've got it!" Roy brightened. "Come with me! We'll need to get eggs. Lots of eggs."

_---_

Minutes later, the two were outside of Eliwood's room, where they heard the feeble sounds of pen writing on paper. Inside, they heard the Marquess of Pherae mutter some comments that were unsuited for their young ears, and the sounds of paper being crumpled. Roy and Lilina looked at each other, mischievous sparkles in their eyes.

"April Fools!" They charged into the room, ready to throw the eggs in their hands. One would wonder why throwing eggs at someone would be constituted as an April Fools joke, but they were kids. Angry, irritated, and slightly hyper kids.

But before they could release their bombshell of icky, yellow yolks and shells, two hands came out of nowhere and grasped them by the collar of their shirts. Well, shirt in Roy's case and dress in Lilina's case. A strong man with bright purple hair looked at the children gruffly, although the two could see that his eyes were sparkling merrily.

"Now, what are you two doing, bothering your father on important state business?" Marcus asked the two, slowly setting Roy and Lilina on the floor.

"Daddy said a bad word so we were going to throw eggs at him!" Roy nodded sagely, pointing at his father.

"Oh? And what bad word did he say?" Marcus kneeled down, smiling.

"Daddy said shit!" Roy cried.

"Tsk, tsk, Lord Eliwood!" Marcus stood up, glaring at Eliwood, who was doing his best to keep a smile off of his face. The retainer knew that he was going along with this for the children's benefit, since…well, they were children. "Teaching mad language to your children! What would your wife say?"

"What _would_ I say?" A tall woman with long, teal hair stepped into a room, a slightly smile on her face. "Well, Eliwood?"

"Ah…" Eliwood said nervously. "Nothing, Fiora! Nothing at all, dear!"

"You never could lie well." Fiora walked into the room, standing behind Eliwood and kissing him on the top of his head. "So what's this all about?"

"Uncle Eliwood said a very, very bad word." Lilina commented solemnly, nodding her head.

"Husband! How could you?" Fiora looked scandalized.

"Yeah, yeah!" Roy shouted. "Daddy said shit!" The two children chuckled to themselves, enjoying the scene.

"It was an accident, honey!" Eliwood protested as Fiora turned away from him, folding her arms. "Just a slip of the tongue!"

"I am never speaking to you again!" Fiora huffed angrily. She spun on her heel and walked out of the room, her nose in the air.

"Fiora! Wait!" Eliwood tried to chase after her, but Marcus restrained him. The elderly paladin looked at him sternly.

"Teaching your children bad language! You should be ashamed of yourself! I'm confining you to your chambers till further notice!" Marcus said and he plopped Eliwood in his seat and left the room. Roy and Lilina continued to laugh as the purple-haired paladin stomped past them.

Eliwood turned mock-sorrowful eyes towards the two cute children. "Since I'm stuck in this room, I think I will tell you a story."

"What kind of story?" Lilina and Roy chanted, clambering up on Eliwood's lap.

"Since it's April Fools…I will tell you an April Fools story!" Eliwood put his arms around both of them, smiling.

"Yay!" The two children cheered happily.

"Now, remember, there's always a lesson. I hope you learn what it is." Eliwood looked at them seriously and the two nodded.

"Yes, Uncle Eliwood!" Lilina said brightly, looking at him with inquisitive eyes.

"Of course, Father!" Roy nodded vigorously.

"Good." Eliwood settled in his seat. "Now, this story occurs tens of years ago…When I was just about as old as you…"

_---_

Eliwood looked over to his friend, Hector, and snickered. It was April Fools day and the two of them had come up with the evilest plan ever. You wouldn't think that two eight-year olds could come up with such a plan, but they did. And boy, was it _evil_.

You see, they had rigged up some forms that said that Eliwood's father, the current Marquess of Pherae, Lord Elbert, was an occupant of the Ol' Elibe Retirement Home. And this wasn't one of those nice retirement homes, where you could sleep all day. Nooo…This was one of those slave-driver ones. If someone escaped, they would most certainly bring that person back, usually alive, although someone didn't survive the return trip.

And now, Hector and Eliwood, two eight-year olds that were enrolled in the prestigious Elibe Academy, were snickering and giggling on the floor while envisioning what was happening to Lord Elbert. Yes, it was mean. Yes, they shouldn't have done that. Yes, their prank would come back to bite them in the ass. But the important thing is that they did it. And yes, they would have to go get Eliwood's father back.

_---_

Lord Elbert was currently in the Lycian branch of the national supermarket chain, Elibe-Mart. Whistling a song to himself, he reached for a carton of milk when the glass doors that signified the entrance to the supermarket suddenly burst open, revealing a couple of armed men with heavy armor. Thinking they were here for someone else, the Marquess of Pherae was justifiably surprised when they walked up to him, the leader holding a small clipboard.

"Elbert of Pherae?"

"Yes? That would be me." Elbert looked quizzically at the goons, when one of them grabbed his hands.

"You're coming with us, you little runaway." The leader smirked. "You thought you could escape the Ol' Elibe Retirement Home?"

"What? What are you talking about? I'm not even older than fifty!" Elbert protested, yanking his hand out of the leader's grip.

"He's resisting arrest! Beat him!" The leader yelled and his cronies pulled out wooden swords and proceeded to hit Elbert with them. One of them pulled out a sword and tossed it at Elbert's feet.

"Watch out! He's armed!" The man yelled. "Beat him harder!" They attacked the Marquess even fiercer while he protested.

"I'm the Marquess of Pherae, you hear me? I can get you all arrested!" Elbert shouted angrily.

"Oh…Right. And I'm the Queen of Bern." The leader scoffed. "Come on boys. Let's bring him back to the home! We'll show him what it means to be a runaway!" They dragged Elbert back towards the Ol' Elibe Retirement Home, hitting him occasionally if he protested.

Eliwood and Hector watched this unfold, looking horrified. They stared at each other before rushing back towards Castle Pherae. Eliwood burst into his mother's room, where she was busy penning a small note. She looked at her son, surprised.

"MOOOOOOM!" Eliwood bawled. "HectorandIputFatherintheOl'ElibeRetirementHomeandnowhe'sstuckinthereandwe'rereallysorry!"

Lady Eleanora cocked her head to the side, unable to piece out her son's rapid words. "Can you please say that again, Eliwood? This time, slower?"

"Hector and I put Father in the Ol' Elibe Retirement Home and now he's stuck in there and we're really sorry!" Eliwood cringed as he saw his mother's eyes flash dangerously.

"Did I hear you correctly?" She said in a calm tone. Of course, it was always the calm tone that signified more danger, so Eliwood slowly started to back out of the room. However, Lady Eleanora pierced him with a single glance and the red-haired boy stood still, rooted to the spot.

She rose from her seat, slowly coming closer and closer to the shivering child. **_"ELIWOOD!" _**She bellowed. **_"YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE! HOW DARE YOU SEND YOUR FATHER TO THE OL' ELIBE RETIREMENT HOME?"_**

"It was just a mistake!" Eliwood cringed, shaking with fear. "I…I didn't think it would go this far!"

"_**ELIWOOD! BE QUIET! WE ARE GOING TO GET YOUR FATHER RIGHT NOW!"**_

"But how?" Eliwood said. "They aren't going to believe that he's the Marquess of Pherae."

Eleanora smiled, no longer speaking in her "Demon Mother" tone. "Of course, Eliwood. We'll just get your friends to help us and we'll break him out."

"Well…I guess…" Eliwood looked back and exchanged glances with Hector. Oooh boy, were they in for it now…They should never have played their prank.

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Chris: Ahem, well, there you go. Kinda weird topic, I know, and kind of short as well. Either way, I hope you enjoyed! Oh yes, all the playable characters will be making appearances, only they'll be like ten years younger. Or even more in some cases.

Only Canas, Isadora, Louise, Pent, Athos, Nergal, and all the old/married people will not be children.


End file.
